its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
