Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
