I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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