dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
