wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
