just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
