Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
