Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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