My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
