Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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