Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
