Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
