her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
