they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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