His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I touched a dick in church today
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
