Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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