Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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