Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
