A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You don't make any sense
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