I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
