Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
It's not a walk of shame if you run
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
