fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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