champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
