Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(252): View more from North Carolina

just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting

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(210): View more from Texas

Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.

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(734): View more from Michigan

I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.

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(917): View more from New York City

Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something

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(913): View more from Kansas

Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.

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(423): View more from Tennessee

I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.

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