Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
