WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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