So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
