You're my little dorito
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
