those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
