The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
