so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
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