Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
