im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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