I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
