Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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