You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
