At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
