I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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