Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
this will be a night to untag.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
