Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
