Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Never let your siblings swipe right.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
