i don't like sucking hair
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
how drunk are you?
Several
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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