Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
and she was petting her beer can
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
