She said her name was "party"
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
porn star boner night. come get it.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
