sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
