I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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