hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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