Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
