You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
