Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
