I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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