I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
How external is "for external use only"?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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