It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
